Don't Worry, Just Cook: In conversation with Bonnie Stern and Anna Rupert

plus a cookbook giveaway for you to enter

“Food and home cooking is just a wonderful medium for the things in life that are meaningful. It seems at this time it’s resonating with everyone.”

“That’s right. Don’t worry about the food - it isn’t the most important thing. The important thing is to let food connect you, to use food as a connector.”

Anna Rupert and Bonnie Stern

This week I had the great pleasure of chatting with my dear friends Bonnie Stern and Anna Rupert about their wonderful new cookbook, Don’t Worry, Just Cook. A project that came to fruition during the pandemic, Don’t Worry, Just Cook is described as being full of “delicious timeless recipes for comfort and connection.” And boy, do we need that now.

Connecting people through food is at the heart of Bonnie’s magic. If you were one of the lucky many who attended classes at her eponymous cooking school. you’ll know that she is a masterful teacher, always leaving both novice cooks and experienced kitchen hands with the sense that they can tackle anything.

Even if you weren’t able to meet Bonnie, perhaps you feel you know her through one of the dozen+ cookbooks she’s written over the years. The same warmth and care that she demonstrates in person comes across in every story, practical tip or introduction to a new ingredient.

Over many gatherings for Friday night dinners in her home, I’ve experienced firsthand her gracious hospitality, her welcoming entertaining style and her joy in gathering people together. Don’t Worry, Just Cook may well be the best testament to this spirit of conviviality. That she wrote it with her wonderful daughter Anna is an added bonus.

Bonnie and Anna with their good friend, Adeena Sussman, at Friday night dinner

I was thrilled that Bonnie and Anna chose one of my recipes to include in the book; I’ll be posting the recipe next week. In the meantime, read on to see what we chatted about, including hospitality, why perfection is overrated, why it’s okay to change a recipe and what ingredient Bonnie is cooking with now. And be sure to scroll to the bottom for a chance to win an autographed copy of Bonnie and Anna’s book - the perfect way to start 2023 off right.

As I’ve read other interviews you’ve done, there are two themes that really resonated with me. One is the notion of generosity, hospitality and welcome – it has nothing to do with cooking really but it’s the starting point for everything.

Anna, you grew up in a hospitable home. How has that carried on in how you live your life?

Anna: In these conversations about the book, I’ve heard my mom repeatedly say: you really want people to feel welcome and comfortable. And that means thinking about how you feel because that’s going to impact how people feel. It’s all connected.

If I reflect and think about the impact that’s had on me, I see it showing up in my role as a manager, which is my main work outside of the cookbook. Understanding that interconnectivity has been a huge part of helping me see the importance of making people feel comfortable and safe and creating an environment of warmth and welcome. It touches so many things.

I love that, especially thinking about how we feel and the impact it has on others. When you hear people talk about the fact that they get worried that they don’t know how to cook well or they get intimidated by recipes … they’re losing sight of that, they’re focused on the food but not the reason they’re coming together.

Bonnie: Exactly.

Anna: Think about restaurants. You have your favorite restaurants and you like the food but what you really like is how you feel when you go there. It’s the service, it’s the attitude. What do you say, Mom, that if you went to a restaurant that has the best food you ever tasted in the world, but the experience was horrible…

Bonnie: …or the servers weren’t nice or they were abrupt or whatever you wouldn’t go back. Great food is not the only reason to go back. You might have a favourite little hole in the wall place where you get a really warm welcome. That’s a big part of why you go back over and over again. It feels like home and home cooking.

Bonnie’s famous challah bread, ready to serve with hummus (recipes in Don’t Worry, Just Cook)

You may well be the ultimate home cook, with hundreds of recipes that you’ve developed over the years, and tested over and over again. Do you get bothered if people change your recipes?

Bonnie: There’s two parts to it. Sometimes people will say “you know, I made your recipe and it didn’t turn out,” and so I ask them questions to try and understand why. And it will turn out that they changed every ingredient, and it didn’t work. That can be frustrating, because there’s no way I can help them get a better result.

But the other thing is that there are lots of reasons people change ingredients. I get it. You can’t find the ingredient; you don’t have the ingredient; you don’t like the ingredient; your kids don’t like the ingredient; it went bad in the fridge; your stove broke down; you didn’t have this piece of equipment….If you’re going to put the time and effort in to cooking something, even if it’s just for yourself, it’s important that you’re going to like it.

But I do encourage people to try. Maybe a pinch of cumin, or a little bit of cilantro. I do think that you either want to learn to like something or you want to change it. I understand that and I don’t mind when people make a recipe their own because that’s what I do when I follow other people’s recipes. I can’t cook restaurant food at home the way a restaurant chef does: I don’t have all the equipment, I don’t have all the ingredients, I don’t have all the sauces already made. If people want to do that with my recipes, I’m happy with that. It’s up to you.

Anna: The book and my mom’s recipes are written in a way to reflect that she wants people to make the recipe in whatever way they can. That’s why there’s always options, either a substitution suggested, or a variation. It’s definitely a key part of her thought process.

Anna, let’s stay with you. Over the years, your mom has talked about how you were a picky eater when you were a kid, and she was very accommodating and made food you and your brother Mark really loved. So how did you come to try new things?

Anna: My mom always says everyone will like something when they eat it the right way and then it will open up the world of that food. So take tofu. I ate Agedashi tofu at a sushi restaurant and it’s deep fried and sweet and it’s like oh my God I never realised I liked tofu! Once that happens, you start eating that food in different ways and it becomes like a regular part of what you eat.

We were encouraged to try a tiny bite of something. You know as a kid even when you like something you previously wouldn’t eat you can’t admit it – you have to stick to your guns. And then next time you’ll eat it. So it’s a mix of growing up, trying things and then actually eating it. Especially if it’s deep fried.

When you were writing the book were there times when you would disagree about how to do something?

Anna: Bonnie is the master of recipes and recipe development. That is without a doubt our default. There were certain things where it was clear who was the lead, like editing on the computer was my thing. But what’s amazing is that despite her thirteen previous cookbooks, she was completely receptive to my feedback. That was especially true before the recipes were totally done. So I would certainly talk about different flavors or additions or ways to serve it, or ways to make it easier. I had the honour of contributing to the recipes with her and it’s amazing that she was completely open to whatever I was thinking.

Bonnie: I’m always open to good ideas!

Bonnie, you’ve had this incredible life in food and you’ve inspired all of us to not worry and just cook. Where do you find your inspiration – how do you keep your creative juices flowing?

Bonnie: Everyone who is seriously interested in food discovers there’s always something to learn. And the more you know about food the more you realize what you don’t know. Take cooking rice. I mean, every culture cooks rice in a different way, and I have one basic way of cooking rice that seems to work for everything if you just want a pot of rice. But there’s always a special way like Persian rice, Italian rice, pilafs, risotto, it’s different everywhere. I think it’s exciting and then I get excited, and I want to pass it on.

Persian tahdig, Bonnie-style

Is there a particular ingredient that you discovered more recently that you got excited about cooking with for the first time?

Bonnie: This one is kind of funny. Tomato paste. I could never understand its appeal as I thought it was SO bitter. And then recently I discovered Mutti tomato paste through my friend Mitchell Davis, and it’s sweet and tomato-y and can add umami to so many dishes.

Family dynamics and professional relationship – how did those two things intersect on this project?

Anna: We’re so lucky that we have a really strong relationship. Sometimes there can be a dynamic of competition in families but we’ve never been like that. We brought unique skills and value each other’s differences and only wanted the best for each other and for the project. Just like our relationship. It translated completely.

Bonnie: I was so glad to have Anna on this project! There was never a chance that it wouldn’t work.

Anna and Bonnie in the kitchen cooking together

It was so great to be at your Hanukkah party last Sunday. What I love about the way you serve food is I don’t see you making the brisket or the roasted vegetables but you’re always putting this finishing touch on the dishes just before we eat so we feel like we’ve been in the kitchen with you all day long. And everything looks beautiful.

But not all of us can make food look beautiful. And we’re all obsessed with making everything perfect. What would you advise people about not worrying about perfection?

Beautifully salad finished with watermelon radishes

Bonnie: I think that we are our own worst critics. If something doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, just be quiet about that, and serve the food and be welcoming and friendly and wonderful. People honestly don’t notice whether something is perfect or not. I reheated the brisket for the Hanukkah party, and I think I left it in the oven a bit too long and I was worried and did you notice? People are just happy they’re not cooking their own dinner.

Elizabeth: Well I was certainly happy you were cooking dinner!

Bonnie: Why would your guests be critical? If they are then you just have one less person you have to invite over the next time.

Anna: There’s another aspect and that is giving yourself permission to make it a little easier. You don’t have to make so much every time.

Bonnie: That’s why we have a chapter on leftovers.

I’ve known you both for so long and you have this wonderful relationship that I think a lot of mothers would love to have with their daughters. Was there something you didn’t know about each other that you now cherish?

Bonnie: I never really knew what Anna did as a manager and I saw her working on this project where really, she was the manager. It was amazing to see how comfortable she was at it, how good she was at it, how she brought everyone together, and how she really organized everything. It was just a joy to be able to see her in this capacity; it’s rare for parents to see their grown children in their work situations. It’s really a blessing.

Anna: I grew up to some extent seeing what my mom did but I have a completely different appreciation for how much work goes into a project like this. And how much of a force she is professionally. Even though I saw it growing up, this experience was very different.  

Bonnie: Plus, it was really good to see Anna so much during the pandemic. It wasn’t the reason for the project but it sure was a great bonus.

The book has been a tremendous success. What does everyone love most?

Bonnie: The Marcella Hazen spaghetti with shrimp, the oven-roasted schnitzel, the three cup chicken, the hummus…

Anna: People are telling us what they make and it makes us so happy but the thing that I’m most amazed with and happiest with is that the message we hope to get across seems to have come through.

Bonnie: Yeah that’s true. Not to worry about the food - it isn’t the most important thing. The important thing is to let food connect you, to use food as a connector. What do you think, Anna?

Anna: To some extent it’s the same message you’ve always had - food and home cooking is just a wonderful medium for the things in life that are so important and so meaningful. It seems at this time it’s even more important and resonating with everyone.

Don’t Worry, Just Cook - Cookbook Giveaway!

I am thrilled to have a copy of Don’t Worry, Just Cook to give away to one lucky reader! Best of all, Bonnie will personalise your copy.

Entering is easy. Simply leave a comment below on why you’d like Bonnie and Anna’s book. I’ll be posting the giveaway on Instagram tomorrow, so visit me over at duckandcake for even more ways to enter.

Have a wonderful holiday, however you may celebrate it. Now go, get cooking!