Get a handle on it

To everyone new here, welcome. I’m Elizabeth, the writer of The Delicious Bits Dispatch, a weekly missive for the curious, blending discovery, reflection, and musings, always wrapped up with a seasonal recipe worth lingering over.

If there’s an easy way to do something, I might very well take the hard route instead.

It’s not by design, of course. After all, why would making something more difficult, or stressful, be better? It’s more a matter of ingrained habits, the by-rote thinking that we rely on. This is both the gift and curse of aging. We don’t think about how to tie a shoe lace anymore, and that’s true of a million things, big and small, that have become second nature.

We apply our learned habits to everything. The way we make a bed, cut an avocado, park a car. More profoundly, the way we react to a compliment or a criticism, tackle a problem, respond to anger.

Snapping out of our customary ways requires one step that, on the surface, seems simple but can be profoundly hard. In those moments when one of our buttons is pushed, and our reaction triggered, getting grounded in the moment and pausing, if only for a breath, can help us unravel the twisted skein of our hard wiring.

Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’

― Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher

We kick open all the doors by asking that question. It takes us out of autopilot mode and allows us to see there are other ways to respond.

Most of us assume a difficult situation comes with only one way to deal with it. We grab hold instinctively, without stopping to consider whether there’s a better grip. But as with lifting something heavy, how we take hold often matters as much as the weight itself. Think of it as weight training for the mind. Every pause strengthens our ability to approach the next challenge with a little more skill and a little less strain.

Another Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, explained it this way: “Every circumstance comes with two handles, one of which you can hold, while with the other conditions are insupportable.”

I’m always fumbling with the handles on our study door

Or as Thomas Jefferson said more simply, “Take things always by their smooth handle.”

Looking for the smooth handle

Don’t you sometimes feel the weight of life on your shoulders? And with every stress, real or imagined, we allow the screws to tighten even more.

Listen, I’m not saying this is easy to do. It takes deliberate thought, and that in itself can feel like heavy lifting.

Recognizing these moments takes a skill of its own They’re almost always ordinary. A delayed flight. A disagreement over something trivial. Someone cutting us off in traffic. Life doesn’t usually hand us dramatic tests of character. It hands us dozens of tiny opportunities each day to either reinforce our old knob and tube wiring or lay down something new.

That’s why asking, “Is this necessary?” matters so much. The answer doesn’t simply change the next few minutes; it shapes the person we’ll be the next time life presses one of those familiar buttons. Every pause weakens the grip of habit just a little. Every time we choose the smooth handle, we teach ourselves that there is another way to carry the weight.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

– Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of Man's Search for Meaning

Few people have written more credibly about the limits of our control than Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust. After enduring years in Nazi concentration camps, he emerged convinced that while much can be taken from us, our response remains our own. His most enduring insight is as relevant to the ordinary frustrations of daily life as it was to the unimaginable circumstances that gave rise to it.

Eventually, those moments become less about managing a million small situations and more about changing the way we move through the world. By doing so, we discover that much of what exhausts us isn’t life itself, but the unnecessary resistance we bring to it.

Perhaps that’s the real value of looking for the smooth handle. It isn’t that life becomes lighter. It’s that we stop adding unnecessary weight of our own.

Cracker for a crowd

from Food & Drink magazine

serves four

As much as I love hosting friends for dinner, I think if I could only serve appetizers for the rest of my life, I’d be happy. A good aperitivo spread allows infinite possibilities to experiment and try new ways to serve longtime favourites.

I have served crackers and dip countless times; always delicious but a little bit finicky. What if the whole thing was reimagined and served as one beautiful giant dish? This recipe from Food & Drink magazine does just that. The crisped up flatbread becomes a vehicle for just about whatever your imagination conjures. Here it’s kept fresh and light with cucumber, radishes and plenty of herbs atop a curry-scented cream cheese spread.

For the cracker

1 large flatbread (such as lavash or a large flour tortilla) about 1/8 inch (3 mm) thick, or 2 large, thin Middle-Eastern style pitas

2 tablespoons olive oil

¼ teaspoon kosher salt

For the cream cheese spread

4 ounces (125 g) cream cheese, softened

1 clove garlic, finely grated

½ teaspoon curry powder

1 green onion, finely chopped

1 teaspoon lemon juice

Pinch salt

1 cup loosely packed assorted tender herbs, such as mint, basil, dill, cilantro, chives and tarragon, large leaves torn in half

1 Persian cucumber, thinly sliced

2 radishes, thinly sliced

Coarsely ground black pepper

Maldon or other flaky salt to finish

1. Heat oven to 400°F.

2. Cut the flatbread into a rectangle roughly 8 x 12 inches (20 x 30 cm) or cut two thin-style pitas into two rectangles, each half that size. Place on a baking sheet and brush with olive oil. Bake for 6 to 8 minutes, turning once, until golden and crisp. Set aside and allow to cool.

3. In a medium bowl mix together the cream cheese, garlic, curry powder, green onion, lemon juice and salt. Taste and adjust seasonings. If you’re not serving the cracker right away, cover and chill. Allow to come to room temperature before assembling.

4. When you’re ready to serve, spread the cream cheese topping on the cracker. Scatter the cucumber and radish on top, then the herbs. Finish with a few grinds of black pepper and sprinkle with a little Maldon salt. Serve whole and let your guests break off pieces to enjoy.

Sources

Aurelius, Marcus. (2002). Meditations (G. Hays, Trans.). Modern Library.

Epictetus. (2008). The Handbook (The Encheiridion) (N. P. White, Trans.). Hackett Publishing.

Jefferson, T. (1816, August 6). Letter to John Wayles Eppes. In The Papers of Thomas Jefferson: Retirement Series.

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's Search for Meaning. Beacon Press